I want to make a zoo with you.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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