I want to make a zoo with you.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
