I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
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