I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
