From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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