which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
