i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
