she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
