yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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