Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
