I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
