K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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