9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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