# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
