No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
