I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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