I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
