omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
