Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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