hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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