if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
and she was petting her beer can
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
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You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
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He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??