end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
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He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
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I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.