So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize