Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
