Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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