If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
