I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize