youre lurking in front of me
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
