He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
