my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
