I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
