Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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