I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
