What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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