party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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