Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
