bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
