I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
