is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I DEMAND FORESKIN
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
