we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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