he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
