My nipple is on Facebook.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
porn star boner night. come get it.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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