Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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