I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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