Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
