you have to choose: penises or morals?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You're like the curious george of whores
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
