Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
