i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
