I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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