guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
