And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
