No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
