so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize
