she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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