3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
