some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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