Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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