omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
