I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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