It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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