forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
jump out the window naked night went bad
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
