hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
