omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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