My liver just broke up with me...
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
