We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
