Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
