She went from zero to smokin in five shots
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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