What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
