I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
